[sticky entry] Sticky: About

Mar. 8th, 2024 04:40 pm
selenicseas: default avatar (Default)
Last updated: 29 December 2024

On the internet, I go by Lee Lacaille-Xing. I'm a perpetually-tired writer, artist, and lapsed conlanger. I also read a lot of short stories and play video games.

I predominantly use the name selenicseas online. If you see a selenicseas elsewhere on the internet, it's me. I'm pretty sure no one else is using this username.

I also have:What I post here:
  • Reviews, predominantly of video games (archive)
  • Recommendations of what I've been reading (archive)
  • Monthly summaries detailing my creative work and other goals (archive)
  • Thoughts on and about writing and other creative processes
  • Nonfiction posts on various topics (archive)
Lately, I've had thoughts that I should dedicate an entire month, or perhaps even several months, to drawing one category of thing.

Like, as I suggested in the title, trees. Maybe I spend an entire month drawing nothing but trees. All kinds of trees – pines, aspens, willows, oaks, mesquite, etc. And then I could pick a different subject – fish, or flowers, or chairs – and dedicate another month to that.

I've been trying to improve my art for the past couple of years, and I think it's because of a lack of focus. I keep jumping from one thing to another and haven't really managed to improve anything. Maybe concentrating on one thing at a time would help. I haven't tried that yet.
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There is still one week left in this month, but it's already been too much. By the 15th, I was reminded that I have way too many obligations to spend too much time on hobbies. Then I had to deal with a roof leak a few days later and actually just gave up. If I accomplish anything this month, great! If not, I don't care at all.

I've read two books, watched three movies, and watched a few more episodes of Twin Peaks: The Return. I haven't yet finished playing The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom, though I have finished a decent chunk of the game. 

I haven't finished the outline for The Forest of Anomalies. It might actually be done by the end of the month, though, as there isn't all that much left to write up.

As usual, I'll have my official September Overview post online on October 1st. Hopefully I'll have managed to complete all of my September goals by then.
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We're six days out from this game. I'm getting excited. Okay, I've been excited ever since it was announced back in December. This is probably the most I've ever been excited for a video game in my life.

I found the world of Control fascinating from the beginning, but the first game took place exclusively inside the Oldest House. In Resonant, we're going outside! Yes, we're limited to parts of Manhattan, but that's still outside. We'll get to explore the world outside of the Oldest House.

Without any further rambling, here are some of the things I'd like to see explored in Control Resonant, in no particular order.

1. Former

We don't really know all that much about Former. Is it a former part of the Board? What are its goals? Is Jesse working with it. Is that the reason she's gone missing?

Former escaped into the Oldest House at the end of the Foundation DLC, and since the lockdown failed, I'm wondering if Former was one of the things that escaped into New York alongside the Mold and the Hiss. Maybe it's leading Jesse towards…something. Something important enough that she had to abandon her duties as the director of the FBC.

2. The Blessed Organization

Given the ARG that's going on right now, I'm pretty sure the Blessed Organization is going to be quite a significant part of Resonant. They're already known to be antagonistic to the FBC. They might be the ones who caused the Oldest House's lockdown to fall. They might be responsible for the Manhattan AWE itself. Given that there are emails from Barry Wheeler in Alan Wake 2 stating that Chester Bless himself told Barry to stay away from New York because something significant would be happening there in a couple of years, I think that's more likely than not.

Even if the Blessed Organization isn't responsible for the AWE in any manner, I can definitely see them using it to their advantage to create Altered Items or Objects of Power.

3. Jesse/Dylan Faden

This being mentioned by both Dylan and the Board in the first Control game is too much of a coincidence for me. I've also seen some things in the preview material that have me thinking it's going to be addressed in some way or another. I don't quite believe that Jesse and Dylan were one person that the Ordinary AWE split in two; my theory at the moment is that they're from two different realities and ended up in the same reality due to the AWE. That's why they remember the events of the Ordinary AWE differently – and maybe why Jesse remembers Tom Zand as a poet rather than a filmmaker.

4. Mr. Door

Dylan has already met Mr. Door, who in Alan Wake 2 is implied pretty heavily to be someone who can move through different worlds. I don't think Mr. Door is going to be a major character in Resonant like he was in Alan Wake 2, but Dylan being the first person in the Remedy Connected Universe to mention him has to be significant in some way. 
I've actually done a little bit of art this past week. I'm still trying to draw a new default avatar, which I've decided will be the full moon, to fit my username on most websites. I haven't quite finalized a design yet. I've drawn two designs over the past week and decided to go with neither.

Despite neither piece of art being a success, I don't feel like I didn't accomplish anything or like I wasted my time. That's an improvement on a couple of weeks ago, where all of the art I tried to do felt like a waste of time.

I don't think I'm over my slump just yet, but I'm getting closer.
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Twenty days remain until the release of Control Resonant. I plan on spending a lot of time on that game – I'll genuinely be surprised if I don't spend the rest of the year playing it – and in order to facilitate that, I'd like to get most of my goals for September as close to completion as possible. Those goals are:
  • Read 4 books
  • Watch 4 movies
  • Finish watching Twin Peaks: The Return
  • Finish playing The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom
  • Write a review for The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom
  • Finish writing the outline for The Forest of Anomalies
It's a lot to do in 20 days, and to be honest, I'm not sure I can get it all done. But I'm going to try anyway.
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Writing-wise, this month was not good. At all. I finally seem to have run out of steam. Originally, I had planned on writing 9,000 words, but halfway through the month I revised it down to 5,000. Thankfully, I was able to hit that – I wrote 5,260 words.

Since my goal for the year is to write a minimum of 100,000 words, I decided to adjust my monthly word goals from now on – 5,000 words per month is the new minimum. I'm at 88,080 words for the year, so I don't actually need to write 9,000+ words per month to hit 100,000. The lowered goal will also, hopefully, give me a break from the hand and wrist pain I've been experiencing lately.

I'd like to say I made a dent in my TBR pile. I would have, if I hadn't bought more books to refill it (I had, and still have, quite a bit of store credit at the local used bookstore, so it's not like I'm spending money on these books). I read a couple of short stories as well. Some of them made it into my July-September recommendations post.

The books I read are:

  • The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick
  • An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth by Chris Hadfield
  • Translation State by Ann Leckie
  • Aurora by Kim Stanley Robinson
  • The Years of Rice and Salt by Kim Stanley Robinson
  • Go Tell It On The Mountain by James Baldwin

I didn't make much of a dent in my watchlist, either. After finishing season 2 of Twin Peaks, I wanted to make sure I watched both movies before moving on to season 3.

  • Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
  • Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
  • Twin Peaks: The Missing Pieces
  • The Woman in Black

As for video games, I finished Link's Awakening and started Echoes of Wisdom, which I'm still playing. I'll probably write up a short review for it as well.

Hours played: 13.5

A couple of months ago, I decided to dust off my Switch (which I hadn't touched since finishing Tears of the Kingdom back in late 2023) and finally play the rest of the Zelda games available on the Switch. The first of those games ended up being the remake of Link's Awakening.

I got this game secondhand, which is great because I'd hate to pay $60 for a sub-15 hour game.

Link and Marin sit on a log in front of the ocean

First things first: this game has a super cute art style.

The last Zelda games I played were Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom. I was happy to return to traditional dungeons and having parts of the overworld blocked off until you progressed far enough. It isn't an open world game, yay!

The dungeons were pretty decent with the exception of the last two. I hated Eagle's Tower with all the backtracking. It took way longer to complete than all of the other dungeons. Turtle Rock was also annoying, though much easier to traverse – I typically hate lava levels and this wasn't an exception.

I didn't go out of my way to collect heart pieces or seashells. In fact, I don't even know what the seashells are for. I did do a bunch of item trading with the villagers, though I'm not sure if I finished that particular quest chain. I think I did, since I ended up getting the boomerang.
I've become an artist that doesn’t make art, and I don’t like it at all.

My art output over the years has dwindled to almost nothing. This year, I've only done a few sketches on paper and one piece of digital art: an avatar that I ended up not liking and therefore not using. I didn't particularly like any of the sketches either, but they were conceptual sketches, not anything final, so that doesn't really matter.

I get discouraged so easily with art these days. More often than not, I find myself frustrated even when starting a sketch – and when I'm not feeling good about something in the beginning, I'm not going to feel any better about it later. My art starts off bad and ends up bad – assuming that I even end up finishing a piece of art at all. Like I said earlier, I've only been able to do that one this year.

Finding the time to even work on art is also difficult. I'm doing so many other things – writing outlines and working on worldbuilding for stories, reading 5+ books a month and short stories (at least, I'm trying to), writing reviews, trying to get through my video game, movie, and TV show backlog, periodically updating my website – and that’s not even including my day-to-day life stuff, which sucks up most of my time.

When I get a break from all of that, I don't want to make art. I don't want to do anything. I just want to vegetate because I'm tired. Because I'm doing so many things. I don't think I'll be able to start making art again if I'm doing all of these things.

Setting aside time specifically for working on art would definitely help; I could always vegetate a little less. It's how I've managed to read so many books this year – I have time set aside specifically for reading, and I stick to that every single day unless some kind of emergency comes up.

But setting aside time for art doesn’t help much if I'm completely demoralized about making art. I don't really know what to do to get out of that particular slump. It's something I'll have to dedicate more time to thinking about.
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I've been thinking on-and-off if I want to wait until I make my 2027 goals post to write about this, and decided there's no harm in writing about it several months early. That way I won't have to explain anything at the beginning of the new year; I can just link back to this post – if I remember to, of course.

This new goal is: complete (and post online) at least two pieces of written creative work per year. I am defining creative work as, but not limited to:
  • a novel, novella, or short story
  • a script for a short comic (likely alongside the comic itself)
  • a text let's play
  • a series of essays, such as critical analysis of media or a series like my Nostalgia Time posts
Reviews specifically do not count because they tend to be short and I write a lot of them.
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I've decided to remove part 2 of The Sundered Worlds. I'm not too happy with how it turned out, and it has a lot to do with trying to fit the story into the world of The Sundered Worlds. I had to remove a lot of my initial ideas and characters, which were more interesting than what I ended up with in the final outline. And, after thinking about it for a couple of days, I've realized that this has produced a worse story.

What I'll be doing is turning part 2 into its own thing. It will mesh pretty well with some other story ideas I have.

I'm also thinking that I want to do the same with part 3. While it works better as part of The Sundered Worlds than part 2 does, the story does still have a few restrictions that it would probably benefit from removing.

Unrelated to The Sundered Worlds, I've finished the outline for the new short story, which has been named Ghosts of Ghosts. It's very short – so short, in fact, that I'm not sure there's enough content for an actual short story. I don't think it will end up any longer than 2000 words, and I'm not sure I want to dedicate any serious time to something that short when I have other, more substantial projects to work on. At the moment, it does not seem to be a worthwhile pursuit, so I'm setting it to the side for now.

That leaves me with The Forest of Anomalies to work on, though I'm sure I'll also start reworking what was formerly part 2 and 3 of The Sundered Worlds.

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I wrote 8,974 words total in June. Most of that was editing The Gate at the End of the World, but I did manage to flesh out The Forest of Anomalies (my new story project) a little more.

Unfortunately, I had less time for reading this month than I'd have liked. I "only" managed to read eight books (which I understand is still a decent number, but I like to overachieve):
  • The Faith of Beasts by James S. A. Corey
  • Ace by Angela Chen
  • Borne by Jeff VanderMeer
  • The Unreal and the Real by Ursula K. Le Guin
  • Dorohedoro vol. 1 & 2 by Q Hayashida
  • The Sundial by Shirley Jackson
  • Lake of Souls by Ann Leckie

I even read some short stories! I had to go out of my way to make time, but I did it. I read four short stories in July.

There was no pattern to the five movies I watched this month. I just wanted to make a dent in my watchlist. I'm not sure I really did, since I ended up adding even more.
  • Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
  • Everything, Everywhere, All at Once
  • The Witch
  • Blue Velvet
  • Johnny Mnemonic

After having it on my watchlist for literal years, I finally started watching Twin Peaks! I finished season 1 and am currently watching season 2. I knew it was an inspiration for Alan Wake, but I didn't realize just how strong those inspirations were.

I also started watching the new Ghost in the Shell anime, which is looking to be a pretty faithful adaption of the manga so far.

As for video games, I really wasn't feeling Half-Life 2. Way too much driving. Instead, I decided I'd finally start playing the Legend of Zelda Switch games I've been putting off for years. I started off with Link's Awakening, and I'm having a much better time with it than I was with Half-Life 2.
I made my decision on what to work on earlier than expected. But rather than one project, it's two: The Forest of Anomalies and one of the shorter short stories.

The short story I have in mind doesn't need much worldbuilding or development; it's more of a "feeling" story than a "plot" one. The outline won't take very long and neither will the writing or editing, I think. I can most likely have it done by the end of the year – if I don't end up deciding that the idea isn't actually worthwhile, that is.

Actually, I can probably have it done in two months, but that's if I work on it exclusively, and I don't want to do that at the moment.

I don't have much to say about The Forest of Anomalies that I didn't already say on Wednesday. Organizing and outlining it will probably take until the end of the year.
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The Gate at the End of the World is finished. I've got a few options I could move on to next:
  • The Sundered Worlds
  • The Forest of Anomalies
  • One of a couple of short stories I've been meaning to write for the past couple of years.

The Sundered Worlds is what I should be working on. All three parts are fully outlined; I just have to write them. At the moment, I only have the desire to write parts 2 and 3. This isn't too much of a problem, as the parts aren't actually chronological. I can write them out of order.

The Forest of Anomalies (which is what I've named the new story idea) is my second option. I have a plot, major characters, and I know the end of the story. What I need to do is organize all the information in Scrivener and write a proper outline. But I'd only end up with an outline, and wouldn't be able to start writing right away, since I have some art decisions to make with this story. It's either going to be an illustrated novel/novella or a full-blown comic, and I haven't decided which I want to do yet.

Given that short stories are, you know, short, I've been leaning toward working on one of those. I'll definitely be able to finish another by the end of the year – maybe two.

Well, I've got, like, two days to make my decision. I'll probably decide what to do on Friday night.
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The Gate at the End of the World

Word Count: 5,290

--


Renyeten trailed behind Elier, keeping a few feet of distance between herself and the border of the Exclusion Zone. Multiple layers of contain and repel spells were painted on the ground in the bright red of the flower that only grew within the tundra. It was just paint. Nothing physical prevented anyone or anything from stepping over the border.

Renyeten took occasional breaks from scanning the horizon to glance down at the ground.
Their patrols had settled into a pattern quickly after Renyeten had arrived at the Base Camp: Renyeten kept watch for threats, and Elier examined the border for disturbances. Elier had been here almost twenty years and knew exactly what abnormalities to look for.

"See anything yet?" Elier asked.

( Read more... )

 

We're halfway through the year and I've made some pretty good progress on some of my goals and not-so-great progress on others.

Read 52 books. This was originally "read 36 books" and I updated it because I realized I would hit that goal well before the end of the year. Well, I hit it by the midpoint of the year. I'm now at 44 books. I'll probably end the year closer to 60, but I don't feel any need to update the goal again. I'll settle for overachieving.

At least 12 of those books need to be ebooks. Well, this one I haven't been doing so good with. I haven't read a single ebook at all this year.

Read 52 short stories. This was originally "read 100 short stories" before I decided I wanted to spend more time on actual books. I've read 33 short stories so far. I try to spend some time each weekend to read 3-4 stories, but I'm not always successful.

Complete 6 video games. I've completed three so far: Max Payne 2, Quantum Break, and Black Mesa. I'm spending less time gaming than I thought I would, but that's fine since I'm on schedule to finish 6 or 7 games by the end of the year.

Watch 12 movies. I'm up to 17 right now. I've been trying to watch 1 movie per week, which hasn't always been possible. I think I'll unofficially increase this goal to 20, or maybe 30.

Leave 100 comments. I'm at 56. Most of my comments have been on Pillowfort this year. And by most, I mean over 90%. I really am not social on other platforms.

Create 12 pieces of art. I've done a couple of sketches and one potential new avatar that I didn't like. It's not great, but I've been focusing so hard on other things that I've genuinely had no time for art. I hope I can do something before the year ends. 

Write 100,000 words. I've exceeded my word goals every single month so far and am at 76,938. I'm doing very well in terms of writing.

Write 52 blog posts. I've written and posted 55 blog posts this year, not including this one. Almost half of that was related to the Control let's play, but I also wrote plenty of reviews and other things.

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In June, I finished writing The Gate at the End of the World. Aside from that, I didn't write very much. I haven't had very many ideas for blog posts and only wrote one review, for Black Mesa.

I wrote 8,538 words in June. For the first time this year, it was difficult to reach my monthly goal (this time it was 8,500). I finished writing the above-mentioned short story and didn't want to move on to writing something else, which was a problem I solved by working on an old conlang and slowly fleshing out another story project I've been fleshing out in my head.
My local library's summer reading program started at the beginning of June, so I was pretty focused on reading books. I ended up reading eight in total:

  • The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie
  • The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton
  • The Demon-Haunted World by Carl Sagan
  • Sooner or Later Everything Falls into the Sea by Sarah Pinsker
  • The City & The City by China Miéville
  • A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin
  • Provenance by Ann Leckie
  • The Tombs of Atuan by Ursula K. Le Guin

I also read a grand total of zero short stories.

After seeing Suspiria mentioned by multiple developers in The Art and Making of Control, I decided that would be the first movie to watch in June. I then decided to watch a few other movies that were released in the seventies. Unfortunately, I didn't have as much time as I thought I did, so I only ended up watching one other movie: Carrie (1976).

  • Suspiria
  • Carrie (1976)

I finished playing Black Mesa (finally!) and started playing Half-Life 2, which I haven't had as much time to play as I thought I would. At the rate I'm (not) playing, it may end up taking me until the end of September to finish it and both of the episodes.

Nonfiction

  • The Demon-Haunted World by Carl Sagan

Novels

  • A Wizard of Earthsea & The Tombs of Atuan by Ursula K. Le Guin
  • The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie

Short Fiction

Video

I'm done! It's done!

I set myself a goal of 500 words per week until I finished the story and managed to exceed that by writing 5,148 words in a little less than a month. I didn't think I'd write this much. My initial assumption was that the story would end up in the 3000-4000 word range. Then I decided to add a section that wasn't in the outline to make things flow better.

I'll likely have to add another section or two during editing. There are a few points in the story that are a little too heavy on dialogue and light on details. It's a problem I have when writing – describing things is not my strong point; dialogue is. That wasn’t too much of an issue with this particular story, mostly because I put notes like "describe the setting" and "explain history" right into the outline.

This is the first piece of fiction I've finished writing in five years. I still need to edit – and I suspect that will take another month – but I finished a story and I don't hate it.
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Black Mesa is a remake of the first Half-Life game in the Source Engine. I played part of the original game (and never finished it) close to 15 years ago and don't remember all that much of it, so I'm unfortunately not able to compare and contrast the two games.

Like in the original Half-Life, there are two parts to the game: the Black Mesa facility itself, and the border world of Xen. Personally, I think that there are three parts to the game: the first part of the Black Mesa facility, the second part of the Black Mesa facility, and Xen. Chapters 11 to 14 (Questionable Ethics, Surface Tension, Forget About Freeman, and Lambda Core) definitely feel different than the chapters preceding them. Gordon's in a part of Black Mesa where scientists have been visiting Xen and studying the aliens.

I only ever got up to Chapter 6 (Blast Pit) in the original, so I was pretty startled to see all the labs dedicated to studying alien life. I genuinely didn't know that was a thing Black Mesa was doing. Keep in mind that the original Half-Life was released in 1998. Somehow, I never had this spoiled for me for 28 years.

So, Xen. In Black Mesa, Xen has been completely redesigned. I have seen some screenshots and video of the original Xen, but like I said earlier, I never got that far in the original game so I can't compare the two. Xen is genuinely beautiful. However, I think it goes on for far too long. The alien factory in Chapter 17 (Interloper) is a serious slog. Several times, I thought I was getting close to the end of the chapter and then there would be another section with platforming and puzzles. The platforming ended up being quite a problem for me. I fell into bottomless pits while fighting enemies so many times.

The final boss, Nihilanth, ended up being less difficult than I thought it would be. I didn't die once! I had more trouble with a few of the previous boss fights, particularly Gonarch.

Although I did get pretty close to dying by the end of the fight, as can be seen in this screenshot.

The G-man stands in front of a stopped explosion. He is greeting Gordon Freeman.

In May, I finally finished chapter outlines for part 1 of The Sundered Worlds. Like I mentioned in my previous blog post, I decided to put The Sundered Worlds to the side right now and instead focus on writing The Gate at the End of the World, a short story I re-outlined last month. That's still in progress.

I wrote 9,044 words in for a yearly total of 65,308. Slowly but surely, I am getting closer to reaching 100k.

I read nine books in May, which comes as quite a surprise as I didn't expect to read this much. The books are listed below:
  • The Divine Invasion by Philip K. Dick
  • The Transmigration of Timothy Archer by Philip K. Dick
  • Romance of the Three Kingdoms by Luo Guanzhong
  • The Word for World is Forest by Ursula K. Le Guin
  • Hangsaman by Shirley Jackson
  • The Art and Making of Control
  • Ancillary Sword by Ann Leckie
  • Ancillary Mercy by Ann Leckie
  • No Harmless Power by Charlie Allison
I also read six short stories.

There are plenty of movies on my watch list, and in May I watched a total of five:
  • Shaolin Soccer
  • Edward Scissorhands
  • Donnie Darko
  • Hackers
  • The Neverending Story
I didn't quite finish Black Mesa, but I'm almost done with it. Seriously, I think there's maybe one hour left of the game.

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